Super Bowl City is the Worst City Ever

Super Bowl City

We went to Super Bowl City in San Francisco the other day and outside of the excellent policing budget, you would never want to live in that city. Communist Russia-style food lines and prices, no schooling outside of how to “Punt, Pass and Kick,” and it was filled with people wearing jerseys for teams that weren’t in the Super Bowl! Why?! “Well this is a football thing so I have to wear my Patriots jersey…and hat…and pants!” No, you don’t. You look like a douche. Just wear a light jacket like everyone else! Arrg! Ok, here are some pictures.

Fan Energy Zone

“Fan Energy Zone”s was a place where you stand and they tell you stuff they want you to do, like watch kids to a half-hearted dance show or to remind you about the Fisherman’s Wharf-type food they were selling everywhere.

The Super Bowl City stage

There was a big stage.

Butts

Watching people cram themselves behind these Manning and Newton was the single best part of Super Bowl City. It’s really an interesting commentary about the NFL: They looked Facebook post worthy cool from the front, but looking at them from a different angle and you realize they are just a fraud. A fraud with their ass sticking out.

CNN Set

It doesn’t take long to figure out what the actual point of Super Bowl City is: A place to put TV sets for live shots with the pier in the background. The NFL Network, CBS, and CNN (???) all had big sets that towered above the confused residents of Super Bowl City. I eagerly await a CNN news break about the New Hampshire primaries butted up against Kathy Griffin making gay jokes with Anderson Cooper in front of San Francisco Pier.

Weird SB SF Mascot

Ok, now lets talk about this thing. What is this supposed to be? It’s a bear…a hipster bear with the hipster hat and hipster glasses and the hipster v-neck tshirt…and icons of hipster stuff for tats. For fucks sake, one of the icons is a picture of a human hipster! From what I can see this mutant hipster bear mascot isn’t being used anywhere nationally, so is this how the NFL thinks San Francisco wants to be portrayed? Yes. The answer is yes. One of the NFL designers has a nephew that lived in San Francisco briefly before they flunked out of Berkley and took his word as the single source of input for how the Bay Area wants to be marketed to.

In a related note, here’s the mascot we designed for NFL City:

NFL City Logo